Teaching Your Children Compassion in a Violent WorldEn Español (Spanish Version)
Flip through the channels on your television and you’ll get a sense of the pervasiveness of violence in our culture. It is likely that you will see a disturbing collage of explosions, blasting guns, punching, and kicking.
You know you cannot control all of the things that affect your children’s lives. But, there are things you can do to encourage your children to become more caring, compassionate, and responsible, in spite of the harshness to which they are exposed. The American Psychological Association offers these tips:
One of the most important things you can do is let your children know how much it means to you that they show kindness to others. Look for ways that they show caring toward others and reinforce this behavior with praise: “Susan, that was so nice of you to comfort Timmy when he was crying. I am proud of you.”
When your children do something that you think is thoughtless or cruel, immediately let them know that you do not want them doing that. Be honest and firm. Focus on the behavior, not the child personally. Say “What you did is not very nice,” rather than “You’re not very nice.” Explain how their behavior affects others.
Your children learn from your words and actions. If you consistently show kindness to them and to others, they are more apt to learn to be caring. Remember that if you say one thing, but do another, you will lose credibility in your child’s eyes. An example of this would be complimenting someone on her hairdo, but then making fun of it when she is gone.
Here are some suggestions on setting a good example for your children:
- Help a lonely or elderly neighbor.
- Donate canned goods to a food bank.
- Give money and a kind word to a homeless person.
- Provide your children with other role models, such as family members and friends who are kind and caring.
- Encourage your children to do volunteer work in the community, such as visiting people in nursing homes or helping the disabled.
- Encourage your children to take care of a pet.
In spite of your best efforts, your children will be exposed to outside influences that model uncaring and violent behavior. Here are some tips to help counteract these influences:
- Encourage your children to watch television shows that have positive role models and promote ideas about caring. Try to limit their viewing of violent programs.
- Give your children resources, such as books and dvds, that promote acts of compassion. Keep in mind that children and teens are likely to respond better to compassionate characters that are ordinary, rather than perfect.
- Ask your children about movies they have seen or want to see. Do they glorify violence to people or animals? Do they glamorize criminals or people who obtain what they want at the expense of others? Ask them to think about alternative approaches that characters might have taken.
- Educate your children about famous heroes and heroines who exemplified caring and compassion. They can learn about such people through books, television shows, and museums. Ask them who they admire and why.
While the world can be violent, there are steps that you can take to foster compassion and kindness in your children.
National Institute of Mental Health
Canadian Mental Health Association
Canadian Psychiatric Association
Family and relationships: what makes kids care? American Psychological Association website. Available at:
. Accessed April 4, 2003.
Parenting: raising kind children. University of Missouri website. Available at:
. Accessed June 10, 2007.